At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want nice things and good sex
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
