i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
