Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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