I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize