Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize