respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
