I bet he comes in French.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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