evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
