Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
