Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
