I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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