If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
