bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
