So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
