the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
