If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize