Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
