you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
