i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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