I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
