I just cut my nipple shaving
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
