summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
