Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
