We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
