1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
