he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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