Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he fucked my hip out of place.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
