I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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