I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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