I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
