He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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