last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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