the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
