remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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