i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize