Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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