Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
