wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
