I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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