she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
