: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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