the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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