I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
