I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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