you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
