They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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