Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
