i think my tv is drunk
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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