U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
