No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
