I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
