we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
