if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
