This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
