I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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