My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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