i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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