There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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