i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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