i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My bed smells like the plague
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