Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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