I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
