dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize