Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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