the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Randomize
