yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize