Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
