We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
