I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
