so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
