Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Four minutes until I can fart!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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