I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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